Note from a Friend & Doula: What We Don’t Need

A guest post by doula, and mother to Francis, Jessica Ford. Check out Jess’ work here!

As I reflect on my identity as a doula, as a mother, and as a person, one recurrent theme is that I am constantly trying to pair everything down to the essentials. It perhaps stems from my inherent minimalism, but surely is fueled by being sick and tired of everyone telling everyone what they should do, what they have to have, what they absolutely need. The pervasive commodification of motherhood is exhausting.

Even as a doula, I am constantly telling people, “You don’t need to buy that, you don’t need to do that, you don’t need to listen to that…” actively hacking away at the mess of (sometimes) well-intended advice-givers. I’ve often even told people, “You don’t need a doula,” wherever I see fit.

To be clear, tools are amazing, education is amazing, resources are amazing, and community is amazing.What’s more, your very own intuition can provide wondrous guidance and comfort. But we have slipped so faraway from that at times as we navigate the commercialism of it all.

I work as someone to witness you, to metaphorically sit in the sweat, spit up, and blood-soaked earlydays, as well as the unexpected breakdown of tears that persists nine months postpartum, two years postpartum, and beyond. Someone you don’t have to feel bad about not responding to or texting on repeat to have your fears quelled. I aim to build you up from within, in a world constantly telling you what you lack.

I don’t use recipes: in my work, in my role as a mother, or even when I’m literally cooking (this drives my partner crazy). I figure it out as I go, I see what I have in the fridge and the pantry, and I come up with something. It may not be perfect, but it provides, and the goal isn’t to be perfect anyway; it’s to learn through the experience of it all. To be observant and adaptive.

I found this in an old notebook, this may be all we really need throughout Motherhood (definitely someone to tickle our backs).

xx- Jess